The Buffet

It’s not fair, is it? Just a few short months ago, I was offering a sampler of tasty writing treats to follow, a delicious promise of dating debacles – me chewing up guys and spitting them out as I verbally masturbated & masticated my way through the veritable smorgasbord of eligible Edinburgh bachelors.

…and then for over 4 months, not a morsel of scandal did I share! I was expecting paltry scraps and out-of-date leftovers based on some rather unsavoury dating experiences back home in Oz. And, in some ways, I was banking on said disaster to give me a wealth of material to humorously regurgitate for my blog. So, I guess you could say I got my just des(s)erts when, instead, I was presented with an overwhelming selection of dishy dudes…however was I supposed to choose?

I was thinking similar thoughts when I went to the Taste Festival in Edinburgh a couple of weeks ago. With so many delicious, quality treats on offer from the best and brightest restaurants in Edinburgh & Glasgow–pork belly, seared scallops, braised ox cheeks – so much alluring, abundant flesh in every corner–all I could think was, ‘how do I have it all?!!’

Alas, the answer is, for both the men and the food, that I can’t. I have neither the time, money nor the stomach to be that kid in the candy store, sampling every bit of suga’ on offer. Age has brought the wisdom—or pessimism, perhaps—that that kind of indulgence only leads to heartburn in the end.

But it is comforting to know that whether you’re online to date or in line to eat, the strategy to get the best bang for your buck is pretty much the same. Here are my tips to ensure you’re one satisfied customer:

Feast your eyes first: Don’t get impatient and go for the first dish you see… have a proper look at what’s on offer before deciding what you might sample.
Think outside the (lunch)box: While a simple meat and two veg affair may be your standard plat du jour, be daring and try something new – who knows what concoctions might just whet your appetite.
Fill your plate: Sure, there may be one amazing, yummy dish out there that’s perfect for you – your soul food – but how will you know it’s the best if you don’t at least try a couple of others? So fill your plate with lots of options….you can narrow it down later when you go back for seconds (and thirds and fourths…)
The pie’s the limit: When you reach the point where you’re unfastening your pants, let’s face it, the dish in front of you is probably going to be your last (for awhile anyway); that’s why yo’ Mama always said ‘leave the best ‘til last’. Make it sweet.
Bon appétit.