So to kick off my new blog, I thought I would pimp myself out for your reading pleasure. That’s right, folks – though I forever vowed to NEVER EVER do the internet dating thing again, I am getting a little restless in Edinburgh and could think of no better, more masochistic way to entertain myself (and you).
I admit I have dabbled with internet dating before and it was a fairly painful, agonising and rsi-inducing experience. But it was so much fun writing the dating profiles that I kind of developed an addiction … which, of course, made for a great theme to write my final dating profile (‘Hi, my name is pseudonymf and I am a dating website junkie’)…
I’ve stayed away from the scene for several years now but what can I say? Loneliness and isolation often lures one back to bad habits. Anyway, like all reformers who relapse, I am telling myself that, this time, it’ll be different.
And maybe it will – I have approached it slightly differently this time. First, brutal honesty! I made sure when posting my profile that all the cyber bachelors know that food will ALWAYS be my number one priority and that being attractive, thin and not talking with my mouth full are much, much further down that list.
Second, even if nothing pans out, at least I’ll have something to write about, right? Or perhaps to cry about, over a good bottle of wine and a block of chocolate.
So, enjoy your first nikksnacks – I’ve cut and pasted my dating profile for you below – and I’ll keep you posted as to whether I get any bites.
x
Life – it’s there for the tasting and I’m determined to leave a trail of breadcrumbs and tannin-stained glasses in my wake…
So, let me put the knifey spoonies down for just a sec in an attempt to write this profile…
What can I eat…I mean…What can I say? No doubt I’ve given up a life of supermodel rakishness–a diet of air, adoration and tight-fitting clothes–to instead slowly eat my way around the world. Sfogliatelle in Naples, Koshari in Luxor, Mochi and Fugu in Osaka, Sabich in Tel Aviv and–oh me, oh my–Pasteis de Nata in Belem….the list goes on and on, as does the waistline.
Any half-baked regrets, though, about a few extra inches in no way measures up to this (g)astronomical trip I’m having. And there are so many more foodie fantasies to satisfy….
BUT–I like big buts and I cannot lie–I have to sometimes wonder whether my foodie love affair is becoming an obsession. The other day I took a pizza to bed with me (and you gotta wonder, was it as good for the pizza as it was for me?) In the morning, with those tell-tale crumbs in my sheets, did I feel dirty? Did I have any regrets?
The short answer is: no. I felt great! It completely encapsulates who I am. Food will always be number one in my life. But sometimes, y’know, I feel a bit greedy eating a sharing platter all by myself. So if you’re hungry, if you’ve got an appetite for life in all its glorious, edible forms, if you’re happy for life to be all about putting food on the table, then drop me a line.
Or cook me a meal.
